Dating at any age can be a nerve-wracking undertaking – from the uncertain first meeting to the doubts in the first couple of weeks or months. If the newly fledged relationship doesn’t work out it can be demoralizing and very disappointing. All this can be even more true if you are entering the dating world as a 40-something divorcee. The reality of dating over 40 can look fairly different than when you initially met your previous spouse but if you keep certain things in mind it is something you shouldn’t need to worry about.
Decide what you’re doing
If you got divorced and you decide it is time to start dating again it is important to decide exactly what you want. Are you just looking for new friends and a good time? Do you need to get your feet wet again and get comfortable in your skin and the world of dating? If so, relax, respect the people you meet and don’t take it too seriously. If this is not the case and you know that you want a long term commitment it is a slightly different ball game.
Live in the present
If you are looking for a person to truly spend the rest of your life with you need to be sure that the ghosts from your past don’t follow you into your new relationship. Make sure you properly deal with any problems that possibly caused your divorce as well as any issues that might have been caused by it. Getting divorced can be a traumatic experience and there is no shame in needing to take time to grieve the marriage that has come to an end and deal with your own thoughts and emotions. There is also no shame in seeking help with this process. Once that is done, however, don’t dredge it up again. Learn from your past but leave it there, think of the future and figure out what you need in a partner.
Remember who you are dating and who you are dating for
When you start seriously dating again you have to date the individual for who he/she is and not for the role they can fulfil in your life. You should not be looking for someone to fill the same place you ex-spouse did and if you have kids you should not be looking for another mom or dad for them. You have to think of yourself again and find a partner that will meet your needs. Even though you cannot date for your kids you have to date with them in mind. If you find the right person that meets your needs that person will probably also be able to fulfil a meaningful role in your kid’s lives but once they are grown and out of the house he/she will be your partner and best friend.
Don’t accept any Tom, Dick or Harry
It can be difficult to meet new, single people and you might consider trying a dating website. If this is the rout you choose be sure to find a reputable website with a good track record of not only matching people, but also keeping your information secure. Remember that there will be a lot of frogs and you should not feel it is necessary to kiss every one hoping they turn into a prince. Take your time and find the person that will make you happy for the rest of your life.